Categories
Japan Japan Customs

4 AM in Japan

Hi there audience. Thanks for joining me on this enlightening walk along a street at 2 AM in Kyoto as freezing cold temperatures test our endurance. Our minds half focused on ignoring that intense cold and the other half meditating on the lyrics of the Black Eyed Peas’ Where is the Love before finally arriving at our destination and some interesting conversation.

We met Shohei’s friend. A Japanese guy, who was born in Brazil and has lived in Japan since he was three years old. And now as an adult, is culturally Japanese. Rafael has lived in both Tokyo and Kyoto so I asked how he compares people from these two areas of Japan.

He said, “People in Tokyo show no emotion on their face, and are very cold. But people in Kansai are kinder.”

Someone else we met in Kyoto also mentioned that people here are less likely to give a fake smile like in Tokyo. And I noticed it too. There are some cultural differences, but I have met friendly people in Tokyo as well regardless of the cold impression its people often give.

I asked him if he’s ever experienced discrimination in Japan. He said no, but he is annoyed at often being called gaijin as it’s like considering him as an “outsider” when in fact he is not. He’s also annoyed that Japanese always assume he speaks English just because he is white. But it is not the assumption that annoys him, it’s the fact that those situations happen so often that he constantly has to explain that he actually doesn’t speak English and is in fact Japanese. He added that Japanese are usually understanding and accepting when he explains this.

Shohei explained that he is definitely Japanese as he accepts the existence of illogical assumptions such as he is white therefore he must speak English without being offended.

According to Shohei, since Japanese often avoid negativity as a cultural trait, it’s also best to avoid logical considerations that could lead to a negative or uncomfortable conclusion.

When Rafael asked me about my opinion on the bombing of Hiroshima & Nagasaki, I gave a well thought out, considerate response. Explaining how though there is always tragedy in war, and regardless of who was victorious, those events ended the suffering of millions of innocent lives. And when I asked him the same question, he giggled “Yay! Barbeque!”

Sometimes I really don’t know if I should respond to people with humor or a thoughtful reaction. I’ve always thought it best to usually do whatever amuses myself in an interaction and save more thoughtful serious conversation for when I get to know someone though.

Categories
Japan Customs

Things to Avoid Doing in Japan

1. Don’t try Pachinko.

It is one of the few ways to legally gamble in Japan. But it’s a waste of time and money to take a seat in these smoky, noisy places .It’s not even entertaining at all. People just get addicted to thrill of winning a few extra yen per every few weeks of their live wasted on this so called “game.” Give it a shot if you want, but it really isn’t for everyone.

2. Don’t climb Mt. Fuji in the climbing season.

In the official hiking season, which is in summer and peaks in august, Mt. Fujji’s trails are clogged with Japanese and non-Japanese tourists. So you end up waiting/walking up a line the entire trek up the mountain. Which also makes taking quality photos difficult. So early Fall, September or October are probably the safest.

3. Don’t go to Tokyo Disney Land or Disney Sea

“It’s a trap!” it’s a tourist trap. It’s overhyped, overpriced, and overcrowded. Even on any weekday of the year you can expect excruciatingly long waits in line for any ride. If you crave a rollercoaster go to Tokyo Dome city.

4. Don’t waste your time and money at Tokyo Tower.

This suggestion comes from a Jaunted.com article on What Not to do in Tokyo: The Top 5 Tourist Mistakes. There are much better views of Tokyo available all over the city for free and cheaper. Just as the article suggests, the popular Mori Building in Roppongi Hills has a Skydeck from which you can even take pictures that include the Tokyo Tower.

5. Don’t go to Roppongi

The few times I’ve been here I was uncomfortable with the excessively sleezy vibe of this place and the horrendous music, and prices. At night, Roppingi is overcrowded with nerdy English teachers and other foreigners of Tokyo who come to waste money and what little life they have left. Prostitutes, (often quite unattractive actually) proposition you. And the African club owners harass you into trying out their clubs. I don’t really enjoy hanging out all night in general, but Roppongi is not the best place in Tokyo to do so if that is your thing. I prefer Shibuya. I’ve actually made friends at some clubs in shibuya.

6. Don’t go to Hostess or Host clubs.

I always wondered why the prices are so ridiculously high in these places. You could easily pay ¥20,000 for just one or two drinks and risk getting beat up for refusing to pay. Do lonely, wealthy men and women really have such a fear of genuine human interaction and trying to meet someone of the opposite sex even for a simple or entertaining conversation that they feel the need to pay a superficial, overdressed man or lady just to talk to them? Well, actually it isn’t just talk as in some of these places the customers pay for sex. But it still seems to point out a problem in the general social skills of Japanese people most of these places only provide the façade of a social connection. If someone attempts to get you into their bar, politely refuse.

7. Don’t be surprised if you perceive any behavior as cold, or rude

Wow, there are so many examples to choose from. I think I’ll go with an old classic I hope most of you have heard of. A non-Japanese man asks for directions to a Japanese guy, in fluent Japanese, and the Japanese guy responds in English, “sorry I don’t speak English.” It’s obviously illogical right? Yet it happens all the time. The non-Japanese guy might not speak English either, and he obviously speaks Japanese, and so the Japanese guy just doesn’t want to attempt to communicate with another human being. Why? Now, most of the time I have asked for directions, I got an honest effort to help me, but several times I did get a response like that, and so have several of my friends. It’s confusing, and from our logical perspectives quite rude and cold.

8. Don’t avoid talking to people

Talk to as many people as you can even if you don’t speak Japanese! Tell me how it goes! My guess is you will make a few friends, at least at a very superficial level. You will undoubtedly meet many Japanese who stare at you with blank eyes, as if they were comatose, even if you asked a question in fluent Japanese. Just laugh it off, and keep talking until you crack their thick wall of social inhibitions and make some connections.

9. Don’t be negative at all!

Even if you are honest in simply saying you don’t like a certain TV show, song, food or other meaningless thing you risk destroying any chance of developing a friendship with the Japanese person you are talking to if you happen to simply dislike something they like. Seriously. It happens. Conflict of any form is difficult for Japanese people to deal with.

10. Don’t just visit Tokyo.

Tokyo is just like any other big city. And if you stay in it to long, it will just become a cliché of itself. There are plenty of interesting, entertaining, and beautiful places outside Tokyo. Such as Kamakura, monkey island, Hakone, and everywhere else outside of Tokyo.

11. Don’t forget to carry your passport

its mostly a precation. Most people probably wont have any problems. Carry your passport, at leas a good copy of the front and visa pages. If you are a non-Japanese citizen you have no rights. And can be jailed and deported if you aren’t carrying your passport. I know a Japanese citizen who was illegally jailed because he didn’t have ID yet the police racially profiled him as he wasn’t racially “asian.”

Categories
Self help

11 Killer Ways to Boost Your Confidence

1. Look good to feel good

Your appearance, clothes, cleanliness, style or lack of not only reflects how you feel about yourself, but also influences how you feel about yourself. If you feel like you don’t look good, it will influence how you interact with others, like a little nagging voice lodged in the back of your subconscious telling you you are presenting an inferior version of yourself to the world. That’s not necessarily true for everyone of course. But if you like the way you look, stay well groomed, wear clean clothes, it will help the way you feel about yourself and thus your confidence.

2. Work out

This one is more important than you might think. Working out makes you feel energized, and confident in your attractiveness. As you get the adrenaline flowing, you will be able to think and speak more clearly too. Working out creates a positive energy for your mind and body.

3. Walk Faster? I say walk slower.

While doing some research for this article, I read somewhere that “people with confidence walk quickly.” However I completely disagree. Walking faster may in fact be an indication that someone is in a hurry, or walking with a purpose (which is great) as they have somewhere to go, and important things to do, but it doesn’t necessarily indicate confidence. On the other hand, walking slowly doesn’t necessarily indicate lack of purpose, or that you are tired or in pain. I always think people who have control over their lives, are confident and conscious and thus have the luxury of walking slowly. So I recommend walking slightly slower than usual. Because it demonstrates that you are in complete control. Have a slow, loose, upright walk, looking strait ahead as far as you can, not at the ground.

4. Good Posture

People with good posture appear to possess more self confidence, make better impressions on others, have better sex lives, have more financial success, and get much more respect than people with poor posture. Making an effort to maintain good posture, while in class, while on the bus, while having lunch with friends will influence you to feel more enthusiastic about whatever you are doing and you will automatically feel more important and confident.

5. Affirmations

One of the more well known methods to build confidence is to tell yourself positive things about yourself. Such as: “I am confident!” “I am a bold motha fucka!” And this is somewhat helpful for a confidence boost, though I believe the point of positive affirmations is to build the habit being positive about yourself and your life. Many shy people sink into a negativity loop by constantly reminding themselves why they feel inadequate. So start being positive in your self talk. Tell yourself positive things. Avoid being negative, not only about yourself, but the world around you if you can help it. Be positive and use positive language as much as you can, not only with yourself, but everyone.

6. Be grateful

Related to positive affirmations is being grateful. Devote a solid one minute each day to Being grateful for what you have, thinking about your previous successes, current social relationships and everything. This helps you condition your mind to be more positive and thus more motivated to take the next move toward success..

7. Compliment other people

When I was less confident, I criticized other people too much. I was too sensitive to the flaws of others and didn’t appreciate their positive traits and successes enough. When you develop a habit of praising others, making a habit of focusing on what is admirable about someone and delivering sincere compliments will also help you feel better about yourself.

8. Sit in the front row

By sitting in the front row at school, in the office, at events etc. you can overcome any anxiety about being noticed and visible to too many people. People who lack self confidence try to stay in the back to remain unnoticed. Don’t worry about your visibility to others. You are a sociable, confident human being who deserves to be recognized.

9. Contribute to Group Discussions

At school, the office, at a party with a group of people you’ve just met who you feel have incredibly well developed social skills you should indeed speak up and add your voice to the discussion. Many people are afraid of being judged for what they say. I was never afraid of being judged, though I used to suffer from just not knowing what the hell to say. By making an effort to speak up in these situations you will become a more confident public speaker.

10. Anchoring

We all know a person bitten by a dog, monkey, or walrus will likely develop a fear associated with that animal. Likewise, we can associate a positive emotion or mental state, such as confidence and a positive mindset with any stimulus. So when you are in a situation in which you feel confident and bursting with positive energy, do some action that you can associate with that feeling. Such as snapping your fingers, or doing the chicken dance, whatever is comfortable for you. And later, when you are in need of some confidence, do that action again and your mind will be reminded of that positive state that you anchored before.

11. Smile!

Goes along with being positive. Positive, happy people are generally more confident.

Categories
China Film

My first film

When my friends and i debuted this movie at our Chinese language school we got a lot of laughs and praise. I know it’s not produced as professionally as possible, and i know our chinese isn’t perfect, but there are some humorous moments in this short film we made for our language class. Most of my friends think the bathroom scene is the funniest. I’d like to add subtitles to translate the dialogue someday but it’s still enjoyable as it is.

We spent less than two weeks filming and editing things, it was difficult at times. And i was annoyed at the occasional technical audio-visual difficulty, but this was just for fun.

Categories
Self help

Human Rights and Social Efficacy

I wasn’t able to find some of my better essays i’ve written before, but while searching I did come across this little essay I wrote for a philosophy class. It’s not as insightful or well written as the intercultural communication essays i was looking for, but i still think it’s a little interesting.

The question of whether prescriptions of human rights are effective and adequate or not becomes irrelevant if we ask what brings about social justice besides assertions of the existence of human rights and find no other alternative to righting the wrongs of the world except in fact asserting the equality and rights of all human beings. Prescriptions of human rights are required for bringing about social justice and their efficacy is determined by the social and political norms of the society in which they are being asserted.

Without attempting to assert the existence of the human rights of those who suffer from social injustice how else are they supposed to overcome the barriers to attaining equality?

Asserting the value of human rights has indeed brought about social justice. When Stanton and Mott held the first women’s rights convention in Seneca Falls New York in 1848 they asserted that “all men and women are created equal, (CP 177).” They asserted that women have equal right to the pursuit of happiness.

Their efforts were the beginning of a movement leading Susan B Anthony to fight for women’s voting rights and form the Women’s Suffrage Association in 1868 which eventually achieved its goal in 1920 when an amendment was added to the U.S. constitution granting women the right to vote.

It took more than forty years of asserting the need for change through speeches, discussions, media attention and other venues to raise awareness of the need to establish equality and give the movement enough social credibility to establish equal voting

rights.

Mott and Stanton’s piece claims that “The history of mankind is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations on the part of man toward women, (CP 177).” Many societies historically have and continue to treat women inferior based merely on the fact of their gender. But changing social norms that advocate inequality and thus limiting recognition of one’s innate human rights takes an immense amount of time and social momentum. This momentum can be initiated by asserting those rights in order to move in the direction of human equality and hopefully bring about social justice for those injured by destructive and oppressive social norms.

People can assert their human rights to equality and attempt to achieve social justice when equality is absent because they otherwise face unnecessary harm imposed upon them by a society with socially constructed norms of oppression. And perhaps more importantly, there is no reason for inequalities to exist other than social traditions and conditioning that arbitrarily asserts the superiority of one group over others.

Hegel points out in his Anthropology that to those who enforce and support social norms advocating inequality, “it was (and often still is) hoped to prove that human beings are by nature so differently endowed with mental or spiritual capacities that some can be dominated like animals. But descent affords no ground for granting or denying freedom and dominion to human beings (CP p.7).” Hegel explains that humanity’s implicit rationality provides the “possibility of equal justice for all men and the futility of a rigid distinction between races which have rights and those which have none (CP p. 7).”

This logic can be extended to say that rationally, psychological and physical harm placed on groups of people and individuals merely because they are born into a certain “race,” gender, nationality, economic class or other classification is arbitrary and thus unnecessarily harms members of society. The arbitrariness of these harmful norms is thus reason to assert the existence of human rights as all human beings are born equal, but face inequality as a result of socially constructed oppression.

Political scientist Jack Donnelly asserts that the “understanding of the innate equality of all human beings leads naturally to a political emphasis on autonomy. Personal liberty, especially liberty to choose and pursue one’s own life, clearly is entailed by the idea of equal respect. For the state to interfere in matters of personal morality would be to treat the life plans and values of some as superior to those of others (Universal Human Rights in Theory and Practice, (2002).”

Bringing about social justice which would assert the legitimacy of these ideas is the goal of many human rights efforts. These efforts attempt to transcend social traditions of arbitrarily constructed social oppression and instances of inequality through assertions of human rights as necessary for societies to recognize these issues as problematic and eventually achieve social justice and change in some form which would eliminate or at least reduce the harm of inequalities.

Examples of social justice brought about by efforts to assert human rights such as establishing women’s right to vote, and the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision to illegalize segregation are the legal results of efforts to assert the fact of innate human rights and equality and the resulting changes of those societies. Although it has not occurred and is unlikely to completely eliminate social norms advocating racism and discrimination, oppressed people’s have indeed used human rights to bring about social justice through persistence and time.

In talking about the persistence of racism, Stannard provides an interesting quote by Alexis de Tocqueville who visited the United States and wrote a virtual encyclopedia of life in the country which was published in 1835. Tocqueville noted that people of African origin in America are “hardly recognized as sharing the common features of humanity. His face appears to us hideous, his intelligence limited, and his tastes low; we almost take him for some being intermediate between beast and man. To induce whites to abandon the opinion they have conceived of the intellectual and moral inferiority of their former slaves, the Negroes must change, but they cannot change so long as this opinion persists (CP p. 21).”

Tocqueville is correct that it is oppressive opinions that limit certain groups of people from being viewed as equal, and thus treated as equal. These opinions are social constructions that can be reduced over time through education of society, and efforts to change societal institutions promoting oppression and inequality and the opinions which keep them in place.

Abolishing slavery was indeed a victory for social justice in the U.S. as it asserted the humanity and innate rights of former slaves as human beings, but it did not abolish the opinions mentioned by Tocqueville which maintained the harmful institution of slavery. It is these opinions and assumptions of superiority which still existed in post-slavery America that maintained racism and other examples of discrimination which still exists, and legal segregation based on race.

Achieving social justice required a long time, and it can be argued that it has not been completely achieved as social norms of racism and discrimination are still obvious in many people, institutions and contemporary societies.

The norms of the dominant society in the U.S. allowed the 1896 Supreme Court to establish segregation with so-called justifications of it being “separate but equal” and claiming to have “no tendency to destroy the legal equality of the two races, or establish a state of involuntary servitude.”

It wasn’t until 1954 that segregation was deemed illegal by the Supreme Court and that it was legally considered “inherently unequal.” As historian Jennifer Rosenberg points out, “Although the Brown v. Board of Education decision overturned all the segregation laws in the country, the enactment of integration was not immediate. In actuality, it took many years, much turmoil, and even bloodshed to integrate the country (2006).”

It took many years of oppressed individuals and people who recognized the social norms of inequality advocating respect for the human rights of people to change these institutions.

The irrational opinions of superiority which maintained institutions such as slavery and segregation persist in causing harm to individuals in various forms of racism and discrimination. It is only until society’s socially constructed opinions of innate superiority and inferiority are changed can the fact of innate human rights achieve real benefits of social justice.

Efforts in asserting human rights and the need for equality have achieved victories. Such as bringing voting rights to women, and ending legal segregation. But legal victories for social justice such as these do not automatically change the opinions advocating inequality, although they do signify that social norms have been moving in the direction of equality.

The effectiveness of efforts to bring about social justice by promoting the existence of one’s human right to equality is determined largely by the extensiveness of social norms of the acceptableness of inequality. Another very significant factor is time. Just as it took many years to achieve institutional victories for women’s rights and the illegalization of segregation, the effectiveness of human rights to bring about social justice depends on the time required to shift social norms to those advocating equality.

The effectiveness of human rights is thus limited largely in part to social norms. Many societies claim that ideas of human rights have no legitimacy within their culture as it is a “western” invented philosophy and thus does not apply to their way of doing things. As people and authorities within these societies become more accepting of assertions of human rights, these ideas become more likely to initiate social justice.

China is often villanized as a violator of human rights, with many examples, some very well known. However, there are groups and natives within mainland China who assert their human rights to live without torture, censorship, oppression, and other state imposed institutions and norms imposed upon their livelihood.

When I lived in China for a little more than a year I met people who thought “western” nations had no right to impose their ideals involving human rights and universal standards of equality upon their culture. However, I also met just as many people who either held strong opinions advocating their innate rights as human beings and those who wanted to work in a society with more recognition of their innate human rights, such as a journalism student I met who wanted to find a job in Hong Kong or Taiwan where she would be more free from the censorship of state sponsored media.

The point is that social norms are changing within this country in the direction of respect for human rights which with time may eventually bring about actual social justice as people will eventually feel more comfortable discussing issues openly. It just takes time to shift in this direction, and for this direction to bring about social justice.

Sociologist Malin Oud makes the point that “less than two decades ago, the Chinese government dismissed human rights as a bourgeois and Western concept of little relevance to China. The discourse of human rights has, since then, to a certain extent been ‘normalized’ in China (Creative Tensions and the Legitimacy of Human Rights Education 2006).”

Oud also points out that the Chinese constitution was amended in March 2004 to include the words “the State respects and protects human rights”. The effectiveness of this amendment is of course limited by the fact that there is no mechanism in place in China for enforcing these words or even establishing specifically what they should imply. However, the change is significant as even the term “human rights” was controversial only a few years ago (Oud, 2006).

The legitimacy of human rights within a society or even an individual person is proportionate to it’s effectiveness in bringing about social justice.

A 2004 study by the International Council on Human Rights attempted to establish the effectiveness and legitimacy of human rights organizations. The focus of the study was to establish how these organizations acquire public legitimacy and the effectiveness and access social groups and people have to their services.

The study found that “A sound constitutional foundation is the best guarantee of legitimacy.” It was found that human rights organizations are more likely to acquire public legitimacy when they are recognized by the states in which they operate.

This may be a combination of a causal as well as a correlational relationship. The causal relationship being that if a human rights organization wants to bring about social justice or change within a community their ability is limited when restrictions are placed upon them by government’s which do not recognize their legitimacy. A correlational relationship because a government’s unwillingness to accept the legitimacy of human rights organizations may indicate public norms of unwillingness to embrace the changes such organizations would advocate.

The fact that humans are born innately equal and thus do not need to endure socially constructed norms of torture, oppression and inequality may not enter into the social consciousness of some societies and thus has a comparatively limited effectiveness at bringing about social justice within them.

Attempts to challenge social norms maintaining oppression and inequality are necessary to achieve equality and bring about social justice in instances in which public recognition of that equality is limited or nonexistent.

Even though discrimination based on race and gender still occurs in many societies and still causes psychological and physical harm to many people, progress has been made where assertions of human rights and equality attempt to bring about social justice.

Categories
Communication

Tips for Confronting Stereotypes

Though the English name has changed, the Chinese name is still clearly “Black Person” toothpaste. I also found some “White Person” toothpaste in Taiwan recently, which I bought. I also almost bought 4 toothbrushes but my Taiwanese friend asked me, “how many mouths do you have!?”

What I dislike most about stereotypes, is that they are prejudgments. Assumptions about a person’s character based not on factual evidence, but on perceived qualities of certain groups. I’ve noticed 2 levels of stereotyping. First is assuming a person belongs to a certain group, (such as assuming a white person must definitely be an English speaker, an American, a cowboy etc.) and then assuming characteristics about a person based on their perceived or real association with some group. (such as a black person has bright white teeth, or a white guy is a “guardian of tooth.”)

If you genuinely wish to confront the stereotypes in other people, you first should confront them in yourself. At least try. I at least admit most of my stereotyped ideas are generalizations and obviously wouldn’t apply to every person. To me, that is a given that should go without saying. But I constantly need to say it, in fact emphasize it. My perceived generalizations of any group never prevent me from judging people as individuals, not as members of those groups.

To me it’s obvious that I don’t believe all Japanese people are cold and unfriendly if I say that’s my general impression. Most of my closest friends are Japanese. It is a “stereotype” of mine but I don’t let it interfere with my interactions with people in Japan. Except one time, I tried to casually explain that impression to a Japanese girl at my university, and instead of engaging in an interesting conversation about it, she just refused to talk to me again. Yeah, that’s another stereotype of Japanese people. Always avoiding any perception of negativity whether it is based in reality or not. Though I do have some great Japanese friends I can talk about anything with, including my positive and negative perceptions of Japanese culture and behavior.

So how do you judge a person’s behavior without considering how that behavior is motivated by being a member of a particular group? Also, is it acceptable to openly discuss stereotypes? Can’t we generalize without hurting anyone? And leave room for customizing those perceptions and treat each person we meet as an individual?

Should all stereotypical ideas be immediately forbidden so that we can cultivate a human society where we are completely considerate of the fact that each person is an individual? Wouldn’t that be switching from extreme ignorance to extreme hyper-logical consideration? Directly, viciously attacking stereotypes we encounter is also detrimental to our psychological health.

“If you setout every day on a cultural crusade, vowing to confront and destroy the stereotype of a foreigner (gaijin), then your life will soon stop being fun. Either for you or people around you.” – Mario McKenna, Coping with Problems Caused by Stereotypes in Japan

McKenna also says that, “If you try to do it (crusading against stereotypes) all by yourself, the end result will be you standing alone reinforcing more stereotypes than you destroy.”
A more indirect approach or indifferent attitude may thus save your sanity. When confronted with stereotypes, I either ignore them, or playfully make fun of them. Such as asking my Japanese acquaintance if they can use a fork and acting surprised when they confirm they can as a response to asking if I can use chopsticks. I do it playfully, we have a good laugh, and everyone realizes simple assumptions like that are just silly.
Being able to directly confront stereotypes with facts and examples that completely prove them false might logically seem effective, and potentially can be. If someone you care about is being stereotyped then point out their individuality and how they can’t be pigeonholed into that easily accepted idea of whatever prejudice they are the victim of. However, I prefer to show rather than tell. I demonstrate exceptions to stereotypical assumption and hope the stereotyper makes the logical conclusion without me saying, “LOOK! LOOK! You were wrong!”
Though if it is not a situation where you can comfortably ignore or playfully ridicule the stereotype, then distance yourself from the problem as best as you can. Relax, and focus on the positive things in your life. Become the best at something, and become the best version of yourself you can imagine. Be confident in yourself and petty notions like the illogical assumptions of others need never concern you.

According to Joseph Devito, of The Communication Blog, “Stereotyping can lead to two major barriers. First, the tendency to respond to a person primarily as a member of a (national, racial, religious) class can lead you to perceive that person as possessing qualities (usually negative) that you believe characterize the group to which he or she belongs. Second, stereotyping can lead you to ignore the unique characteristics of an individual; you therefore may fail to benefit from the special contributions each person can bring to an encounter.
You’re not going to lose your stereotypes. But, you can become mindful of them and, when appropriate, ask yourself if your perceptions of another person are being unduly influenced by your stereotypes.”

I’ve been the victim of both those barriers. Perhaps we all are at times. So how do we convince or motivate people to see each other as individuals and not primarily as a member of an ethnicity or nation?

Categories
China Communication

Chinese Prejudice Online?

In China I started using QQ. A Chat messenger software i used to talk with my friends. The same way i use Skype and MSN messenger to keep in touch with everyone else in the world. I can also use Skype and MSN to search for new people to talk to. And i can almost do that with QQ. Except that every time i search for some new friends on QQ , and begin a conversation with them, they assume I am lying about not being Chinese as i am obviously speaking to them in Chinese. This isn’t because my Chinese is unbelievably fluent, I still make plenty of mistakes, they just can’t fathom the possibility of someone who is not Chinese being able to speak Chinese. It happens every time, and I have been using QQ for several years. A Japanese friend of mine who speaks Chinese also told me Chinese people don’t believe she isn’t Chinese when she speaks to them for the first time online.

It’s a very strange way to frame your social interactions. If I speak any language, English, Spanish, Russian, Swedish, or even a language much more obscure online to a person I have never met before, and then I tell this person I am actually from a different country from them and my native language is actually not the language we are speaking, what reason does he have to disbelieve me? I mean people might be dishonest about where they are from occasionally, but what cultural process creates an entire society that believes only people from their country can speak their language at all. The first time i tried to type Chinese in a Chinese chat room, I was first amused by the warning not to say anything that would insult the government, and then I was as offended as I was surprised at the fact that nobody believed i was actually not from China. They believed i was just a kid lying about where I was from for fun. I wouldn’t be so frustrated by this phenomenon, except that it happened every time I tried to talk to new people through QQ’s search function.

It was somewhat entertaining at first though. They always wanted to see me via webcam, to prove i was American. To which i would always explain that a person from any country could have any ethnicity and so it would prove nothing. I could very well be culturally Chinese from living in China my whole life, yet ethnically caucasian. Sometimes I would reply by saying, “fine, I will show you what I really look like, so you can see i really am not Asian, but then it’s impossible for me to be your friend because you only wanted to see me because you didn’t believe me, not because you were genuinely interested in seeing me.” They would act surprised, apologize, and compliment my Chinese, then i’d delete them.

If they didn’t immediately disbelieve me when I would say I am from America. They would ask if i was American-Chinese. Except they wouldn’t use such “politically correct” terminology. They would always ask if i was ?? (huan xie). literaly meaning “mixed blood.” I always respond to this question by saying all people are “mixed blood” as the genetic material from both parents is combined to create each person. People in china are used to using this word in this way without thinking of the literal connotations of its meaning. So maybe i am too sensitive to my preference of trying to describe the world accurately. And maybe I can be more understanding, and considerate of the different ways people communicate depending on their cultural identity, but why is it so impossible for people in China to believe the obvious reality that people who are not from China can learn Chinese?

Categories
Communication Japan

Tips for Socializing in Japan

Just a few quick thoughts on socializing in Japan that i have been thinking about lately.

Something i have mentioned previously in this blog is that in Japan people don’t self disclose meaningful personal information so easily or quickly. Initial conversations with a person are in fact very light in terms of content rarely involve really getting to know someone. Some Japanese acquaintances have told me that they need to wait at least year after initially meeting someone to disclose their personal ideas and feelings. I once read a story, somewhere on the interwebs but unfortunately was unable to find to link to, about a French guy who worked at a company in Japan for nearly a decade. During that time he felt he really loved his job, and he felt his co-workers really respected and liked him too. One day, after work a Japanese co-worker told him that actually, “nobody likes you.” He of course felt very upset to be told this, and at the same time deceived because that entire time everyone had treated him so nicely. But those polite niceties we find so easy to endure in Japanese social interactions are a mere facade to hide us from the embarrassment if people knew what we were really thinking. If you feel like you have a great friendship and would like someone to listen to you with genuine interest, you can always try to disclose some personal information or stories and see if they reciprocate as all people are different and not everyone will fit in to every generalization i mention.

The Japanese co-worker in that story, after many years of knowing his French co-worker finally felt comfortable enough to reveal a real thought, thus hoping it would have been the beginning of a genuine friendship. So true friendship in Japan is indeed very difficult to achieve.

Another thing about socializing in Japan that differs from my culture based preferences is that people rarely devote time to each other to develop connections and friendships with their fellow human being. Time is usually devoted primarily to school work, or actual work, and any free time is often time devotable to some other group activity. So because of this, cultivating genuine friendships is even more challenging, though of course possible. So be considerate of time constraints and the fact that just because someone says they are busy, they aren’t just blowing you off.

Which brings me to the prevalence of hilariously obvious excuses Japanese people will tell you when they don’t wanna accept your invitation to hang out. I’m ok with tactful honesty if someone doesn’t want to meet me for whatever reason, but there is a vast difference between people i have met who give me an excuse and then never interact with me again, and people who make an effort to spend time with me after they know they have missed a chance to because of some obligation.

Also don’t be negative at all. I think having a fun positive attitude is great for social interaction with anyone, but even casually mentioning you don’t like something that someone else likes can give them a reason to never want to interact with you again. So this might be part of the reason, or at least related to the reason for Japanese not disclosing much of their real identity to one another at first as they are afraid to offend people with their real opinions.

another point is to be excessively grateful when someone does something nice for you and be willing to apologize for anything even if you feel you have done no wrong. Remember apologizing is not necessarily mean you are wrong and the other person in the right. It just means you value human relationships more than your own ego.

Categories
School

Rejection Letter from School

Received this letter today,
“Regarding your application for the Japanese Language Program, Fall Semester 2010. Thank you for applying for the Japanese Language Program. To our great freaking regret, we must inform you that your application was not successful.
Admission to the program is determined by the Admission Committee after thorough evaluation of all documentation. Admission is offered to those applicants who demonstrate a strong overall academic background and potential as reflected in their past academic records, their study plans, and stated reasons for applying to the program.
Please understand that we have to limit the number of new students as we aim to provide intensive Japanese Language education in a small class setting. Your understanding would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you again for your interest in Keio University. We do hope that you will not be overly discouraged by this result, and will continue to pursue your academic goals in other ways.
Sincerely yours,
Susumu, Director

I like the “to our great regret, we must inform you of blah blah blah” part. If they genuinely regret it so greatly, why reject me? Oh yeah!, that obviously shallow façade of empty politeness thing. Ok be polite, but don’t be dishonest. I’m happy for whoever got in instead of me. And I’m satisfied because I was accepted to every other program I applied to.
I am much more impressed than disappointed. I want to meet my competition. They must be insanely impressive students studying concurrent masters and doctorate degrees with beyond perfect GPAs and perfect lives attending ridiculously famous educational institutions ever since they were in elementary.

The application does indeed ask for your educational background that far back into your insignificant past. And they want to know exactly what you’ve been doing at every year and moment of your life with no gaps whether you were in school, working or otherwise. It’s a very detailed application that I struggled to perfect regardless of how annoying the process was.
I also requested a letter of Recommendation from the International Student Advisor in the US who agreed to be advisor for the International Club I co-founded at my university there. It was an incredibly impressive letter and I believed it would carry the weight of a knockout punch in getting me accepted, but according to my new favorite letter of rejection, “Admission is offered to those applicants who demonstrate a strong overall academic background and potential as reflected in their past academic records, their study plans, and stated reasons for applying to the program.” The letter of recommendation is not in that list is it?
But I did my bestest. Doing my bestest my whole life just isn’t goodses enoughses. I merely encountered the bad luck of applying to Japanese Language Program the same semester 100 applicants each with multiple doctorates in linguistics and Japanese decided to apply. It happens. I understand. Because they said, my “understanding is greatly appreciated.”

Me: Actually, I don’t understand. I’m still a bit confuzled.
Them: well then I guess we can’t greatly appreciate your understanding yet can we.
Me: yeah I know, bu..bu..but didn’t my academic records impress you at all? I..I..mean, I have nearly perfect grades, and I even spent a whole year studying at the third most prestigious university in China, all that counts for nothing? Really?
Them: yep. ‘fraid so.
Me: and and and what about my study plan? I have meaningful, unique, achievable goals directly related to what I would be studying in the Japanese Language Program. I thought I wrote it well
Them: we’ve seen better composed and more believable writing on Japanese TV.
Me: wow… I’ve never been more insulted in my life.
Them: to be completely honest, it came down to a decision between you and another guy with 3 degrees from Harvard, Yale and some French patisserie academy, he plans to found a pastry empire throughout Japan. Also….He’s a boss on a mothaf****n boat!” …..We like guys on boats.

And so here it is, a slightly edited version of,
A study plan that will NOT get you into the school of your choice:

STUDY PLAN

University’s Japanese Language Program is the first step to my goal of fluency in Japanese necessary not only for communication, but also for pursuit of my career goals in Japan. After completing the JLP course, I intend to eventually pursue a graduate degree in journalism and online media. This educational background would provide me with the knowledge and skills necessary to fulfill my dream of creating and reporting meaningful media for an international or Japanese news agency within Japan.

To pursue a career contributing to intercultural understanding through media in Japan it will be necessary for me to vastly improve my formal and academic Japanese. For the past four years, I have been studying Japanese independently, and occasionally with a teacher. Although I am capable of simple conversation in Japanese, I still make careless mistakes. I hope their JLP will provide my enthusiastic motivation with the direction, focus, and opportunity to refine my currently limited abilities into a fluency I can apply to all aspects of my life in Japan.

If accepted, I would make use of not only the academic resources at the school, but also its social resources in order to incorporate Japanese into my life as much as possible. I would like to join one of the many clubs and I look forward to being involved in student organizations and their Conversation Partner program.

I am also excited by the courses taught in English by the International Center, especially the cross-cultural studies courses such as, ‘Culture, Culture and Adjustment and Identity,’ ‘Discovering Culture through observation,’ and ‘ Culture and the Unconscious,” as well as the ‘Intercultural Communication,’ and ‘Japanese Psychology,’ courses.
Taking such courses would be an ideal step towards an in-depth understanding of interpersonal and intercultural communication in Japan which I consider a valuable asset for my future career goals of combining a thorough understanding of intercultural communication with mass media skills. The undergraduate major I designed for myself at ******** ******* University, Intercultural Mass Communication, also represents that goal. My desire is for these aspirations to be connected to something meaningful in my academic and professional future. Participating in JLP would be that connection for me.

And most of that is true 😉

I do in fact want to pursue a career contributing to intercultural understanding through media production, though not necessarily in Japan. And I have occasionally studied Japanese off and on beginning from 4 years ago, as well as several other languages I am interested in. So I am no japanophile, accuse me of that again I’ll slap you. Hey maybe that’s why I didn’t get in.

Categories
Communication

Tips for Detecting Lies through Bodylanguage

• A common Technique for detecting lies is watching what direction a person’s eyes shift when they are thinking of the answer to a question. If you are facing the person, and they look to the right, they are remembering something, if they look to the left, they are creating something in their mind.

I’ve used this as a game. Someone would say 3 sentences. Only one would be true. I could tell which was a lie if they looked to the left. I find that for very few people this actually works upwards of 90% of the time, while for a lot of people I met, it doesn’t work at all, especially when they just stare into my eyes when I ask a question. But I do think it’s helpful in lie detection to pay attention to what the potential liar is paying attention to.
• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact. This is only sometimes true. A lot of people lie while maintaining direct eye contact. However I feel this is actually more true in Japan, when someone tells me an obvious lie, often avoid eye contact with me.
Emotional Gestures & Contradiction
• Emotional gestures and words are not coordinated. Such as someone saying “ I love that movie!” / giving a compliment, / saying anything that should have more emotional investment then smiling after making that statement rather then at the same time the statement is made.

• Fake smiles. I really hate fake smiles, and I see them all the time in Japan. A fake smile only uses muscles around the mouth. Whereas a real smile involves movements of the whole face. The jaw/cheek, eyes, forehead are all involved.

• I’ve noticed that people lying often stutter, even a little when they are saying the lie. Also, their grammar may be off and they might speak softly. However this is also a general sign of nervousness characteristic of shy people regardless of if they are lying or not.

Those are just some common body language references. People may also put some sort of barrier between themselves and the person they are lying too, like a book, cup or their hands. But basically, I look for behavior that differs from a person’s normal way of interacting with people. You can also keep in mind what a person values and thus would like to protect by lying. Such as suggested by a university of Massachusetts study that found women are more likely to lie to protect someone’s feelings, while men are more likely to lie to defend or improve their own image.